The quest - Sarva Dharman paritajya Mam ekam Sharanam Vraja

Shrimathe Ramanujaya Namaha In the quest of life, it often happens that you stop in your tracks and start wondering on how you have been living or rather how things have happened around you. Though to the outer world it appears to be my achievement, in the heart of hearts, I really wondered if it is really me who has done it... Worse, sometimes I start believing and have a steadfast defense wielding a sarcastic remark, if it is not me, then who!!! It is this quest of trying to find out " who is this me " which had lead me to this site. I am not sure how many would find this thought provoking, but that's why this blog. It all cyrstalised a few years back when I was in the Gulf, in a remote place, with scope for very less of life outside the house. I hit the net trying to find out what I did not know I was looking for. It was time for our yearly ritual of  thread changing ceremony ("avani avittam"). And I did not have the necessary knowledge to perform it myself and therefore thought of searching the net for some information. And then slowly, things started unraveling in front of my eyes and wasn't I wonder-struck with what I found out. I never could believe for a moment that all these things had been around since ages, and so many of us were deeply into it, yet somehow, despite belonging by birth to the same community, I was blissfully unaware of it. I used to call myself a Vaishnavite in vague reference, but alas that's about all. And then I realised even the people whom I was living with in the Gulf were governed by some discipline, in that they pray 5 times a day. Was it not prescribed at least thrice for us.... It was not that I was not doing it before, but there was no seriousness in the matter. IT was merely due to a emphatic feeling dictated by conventions, a feeling of righteousness that I should do it. But, regularity, timeliness and application was wanting. I then realised slowly the purpose of why this ritual has been ordained in our scriptures, I discovered the meaning of various other customs we follow. I awoke to many facts of our origin. I discovered that deep down in our lives we owe our origins to a supreme being. Slowly unfolded the truth of nature, the presence of the chit, achit and the paramatma, the inter-relationship of the 3, the purpose of birth, the origins of the Veda, vedanta, prabandham, the esoteric meanings hidden in the works, the equality of the veda and the prabandhams,  the purpose of the creation, the purpose of the avatars, the purpose of the alwars, acharyas and the role of "me" in all this. I was troubled and tormented by various arguments before I reached the above conclusion. The arguments came from other faiths. To be honest, earlier, I was not convinced that we had in our Sanatana Dharma enough strength to defend against the challenge cast by other faiths, but later realised the futility of this thought. The depth of the Vedas is unfathomable. Islam & Christianity trace back to very recent origin and follow a linear time scale. Vedas follow a cyclical time scale (yugas....) and are without a origin. But, then slowly, I realised that nothing in this world happens without a purpose / cause.  Sri Krishna in the Gita tells us "sarva dharman paritajya mam ekam sharanam vraja, aham tva sarva papebhyo mokshishyami ma shuchaha.." 

I never realised I had so much to say when I started to write. And now, I feel I have not even started. Need to to pause - will return with more sometime

Govinda Govinda, 

Adiyen Ramanuja Dasan.